woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
