I don't usually arrange sex via text message
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
