He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
