my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think i got beer on your cat.
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