suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
