During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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