Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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