I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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