I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Soap is not a condiment
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
