Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
