I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
