got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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