Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
