when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how do flat chested girls get laid?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
