Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
