I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
