when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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