I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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