Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
