burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
