I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
