Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
