If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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