First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
