thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She needs sedatives and a leash
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
