How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
