i just had sex bonerless
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
