Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
