Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She told me I should be a condom model.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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