It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
