Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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