Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
