I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
