I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
