If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
