nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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