Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
