If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
