I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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