Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
