im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
