We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
