Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
