He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
