my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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