textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
