talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
