Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
