I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
