If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
