I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
