is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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